All About Break ups and Moving on, from my Pocket of Experience.
Hi guys, I am back with a BANG!!!:D
Bang or not bang i'm not sure.
:/
Ha ha (Okay i don't wanna start off like this, so moving on quickly).
So if your reading this, i'm guessing you knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in Aluminium foil.
SO, you have broken up, hurting, and you cannot think rationally?
Don't you feel the impending doom hovering right above your head like a dark cloud??
Good.
Well, its okay to feel this way.
BUT,
Stop telling "the story." How many times this week did you tell "the story." about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt?
Don't you realize "the story." is what is keeping you from moving on ?
"The story." is what is making you go through this pain over and over again.
Don't worry, lets hope now your brand new ex gets Herpes >:|
_________________________________________________________________
If you don't mind me asking, On a scale of one to Adele how tough was your break up?
Are you thinking what to do next?
You have many options,
First. Sit back and feel the joy of liberation.
How about we make this in your ex's memory and maybe watch Pokemon later?.
________________________________________________________________
Jokes apart,
You have two options,
1. Think about Moving on.
2. Think about Reconciling.
In this blog I am only going to talk about Moving on. ( Highly recommended)
If the break up was due to cheating, lack of feelings, different life goals, RULE OUT the Option of Reconciling as hard as it may sound. You cannot make someone love you.
So as per my research, moving on / Reconciliation has three phases .
1. Hurting
2.Healing
3.Realization
1. Hurting
You are going to hurt terribly for first few days, but take it one day at a time.
DO NOT contact you ex, absolutely not. Kick your temptation to curb. You may definitely contact them again, but not now.
*Read why no contact rule helps : Mini- Break up- NO contact rule.
Remember these points:
- The end of a relationship doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you! Try not to take it personally - lots of people break up.
- You don't have to be in a relationship to feel happy.
- It's better to not be in a relationship than to be in bad one.
- Whatever you're feeling now won't last forever. It may take time before you feel you have 'moved on', but you will! Take it one day at a time, and realize that there will be good and bad days.
- If it was your decision to end the relationship, it doesn't necessarily make the breakup any easier to deal with. It's still normal (and OK) to feel upset and to miss the other person.
- It's NOT OK to stalk your EX. It will DELAY your healing.
- Don't feel embarrassed, and try not to worry about how the situation will look to others.
- Remember that breakups can have a positive side. You can learn more about yourself, and what you want from future relationships. You can develop coping skills, become more independent, and have more time to spend with friends and do the things that you enjoy.
Those ^ are some regular advises you can find anywhere.
But what i would like to tell you is Success is the best revenge, so focus on achieving that.
Also, you don't love the mean person who hurt your feelings. You love the self imagined version of them whom you thought and wished they were.
Your hurting phase will last for a minimum of 30 days.
BUT PLEASE UNDERSTAND
It takes time to get over the loss of a relationship. You might feel as though your world has turned upside down and that things will never be good again. The strength of your feelings might be overwhelming. You might cry, feel restless, or have less motivation or energy to do things. Your appetite and sleep might be disturbed.
With time and support, most people pull through relationship breakups, sometimes coming out stronger at the other end.
*Read this if you want to lighten your mood Messiest celebrity breakups.
2. Healing
So once you are done crying every night for 30 days and waking up with a catch in your gut, you might actually no more feel that bad..
on the other hand you might actually find your new status quite liberating. ^_^
Its great to feel this way.
It may still come to you in spurts , but you will not breakdown as much.
If you have plenty of time, you can visit, 'Michael Fiore' , 'Ashley Kay' or 'a new mode' and plenty other sites where you can learn a lot about psychology in relationships, break ups and moving on.
Your healing phase will last any where between 3 to 12 months.
You will learn a lot. But keep yourself busy.
3. Realization/ Reflecting on your thoughts
Are you at a point where you don't feel much about the break up at all?
GOOD. You have healed.
Now you will know what EXACTLY went wrong.
- How you can avoid it in the future,
- How much it matters that you give other person space,
- How much it matters that you have your own life despite of being in a relationship and not make the relationship your only source of joy in life.
There are a lot of things that you will know in this phase, and I WILL LEAVE THAT FOR YOU TO LEARN INDEPENDENTLY.
(FYI
This is when you can think of reconciliation if that option was not ruled out in "phase one of break up".
By then you ex would have healed and learnt a lot too.
Some of you might not even want to get back anymore.)
___________________________________________________________
Let me tell you my story.
"I'm going to reveal the real reasons you can't get over the person who
broke you're heart (hint: it's not what you think).
When the first guy I ever loved left me for someone else it was an experience so
horrific I would even go so far as calling it traumatic.
At first I went numb and felt like I was living someone else's life...like this couldn't
possibly be happening. After that came rage, sadness, pain, despair, hopelessness,
and longing...lots of longing. Longing for him to come back and say he was sorry and
be with me again. I drove my friends crazy..
My grief consumed every fiber of my being. There would be moments of distraction
here and there, but it was always lurking in the shadows of my mind, seizing every
opportunity to be at the forefront. This went on for weeks...months...and then I
woke up one year later and while the pain was nowhere near as strong, it was still
there.
I deduced that it must be because he was the great love of my life, my soul mate, the
man I'm meant to be with.
I ended up getting back in touch with that ex as i was single and while it didn't happen overnight, I realized in time that he is (and always was), so wrong for me! How could I not have seen it? Why did I waste all that time and energy pining away?
The answers didn't come to me until much later, not until started writing about
relationships and serving as an unpaid therapist for most of my friends who just
can't seem to let go.
The mistake I made was one that most people make. I assumed that there was
something wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough, that he was the only man on
the planet for me. If I knew what was really going on, and the real reason I couldn't
just release him and move on, I probably would have gotten over it much sooner.
Finally after a few months, I met a wonderful guy whom i really deserve and vice-versa. "
.jpg)
Remember do not call your ex after getting Drunk .
*ALTERNATIVELY you can listen to Honey Singh's break up party song here.
Remember that, I was exactly where you are standing today and that is how i am able to write all this.
And trust me very soon you will stand exactly where i am today. With someone better.
Every relationship is different, so is every break up. But you will learn something valuable out of every break up.
I learnt the act of giving space, having a life apart from the relationship alone, being emotionally stable.
My broken relationships prepared me for the wonderful one that i now have.
Lastly, if this will make you smile.
.jpg)
*Also don't stalk your ex. Thinking, seeing, talking about them or stalking will only delay your healing.
My dear friend, I hope you learnt a thing or two from this blog and may positive force always be with you.
I understand this blog might have not been as amusing as the rest to some readers, but if this made a person or two in pain feel better, it has achieved its purpose.
To whomsoever it may concern . I do NOT own the copyrights of the images/ content displayed above. This information is collected from different sources and put together for EDUCATIONAL purposes only.
If you sue me, May thunder blast your head.
Thanks for Reading.
-Mia
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Good.
1. Hurting
You are going to hurt terribly for first few days, but take it one day at a time.
DO NOT contact you ex, absolutely not. Kick your temptation to curb. You may definitely contact them again, but not now.
*Read why no contact rule helps : Mini- Break up- NO contact rule.
Remember these points:
- The end of a relationship doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you! Try not to take it personally - lots of people break up.
- You don't have to be in a relationship to feel happy.
- It's better to not be in a relationship than to be in bad one.
- Whatever you're feeling now won't last forever. It may take time before you feel you have 'moved on', but you will! Take it one day at a time, and realize that there will be good and bad days.
- If it was your decision to end the relationship, it doesn't necessarily make the breakup any easier to deal with. It's still normal (and OK) to feel upset and to miss the other person.
- It's NOT OK to stalk your EX. It will DELAY your healing.
- Don't feel embarrassed, and try not to worry about how the situation will look to others.
- Remember that breakups can have a positive side. You can learn more about yourself, and what you want from future relationships. You can develop coping skills, become more independent, and have more time to spend with friends and do the things that you enjoy.
Those ^ are some regular advises you can find anywhere.
But what i would like to tell you is Success is the best revenge, so focus on achieving that.
Also, you don't love the mean person who hurt your feelings. You love the self imagined version of them whom you thought and wished they were.
Your hurting phase will last for a minimum of 30 days.
BUT PLEASE UNDERSTAND
It takes time to get over the loss of a relationship. You might feel as though your world has turned upside down and that things will never be good again. The strength of your feelings might be overwhelming. You might cry, feel restless, or have less motivation or energy to do things. Your appetite and sleep might be disturbed.
With time and support, most people pull through relationship breakups, sometimes coming out stronger at the other end.
on the other hand you might actually find your new status quite liberating. ^_^
Its great to feel this way.
It may still come to you in spurts , but you will not breakdown as much.
If you have plenty of time, you can visit, 'Michael Fiore' , 'Ashley Kay' or 'a new mode' and plenty other sites where you can learn a lot about psychology in relationships, break ups and moving on.
Your healing phase will last any where between 3 to 12 months.
You will learn a lot. But keep yourself busy.
Are you at a point where you don't feel much about the break up at all?
GOOD. You have healed.
Now you will know what EXACTLY went wrong.
- How you can avoid it in the future,
- How much it matters that you give other person space,
- How much it matters that you have your own life despite of being in a relationship and not make the relationship your only source of joy in life.
There are a lot of things that you will know in this phase, and I WILL LEAVE THAT FOR YOU TO LEARN INDEPENDENTLY.
(FYI
This is when you can think of reconciliation if that option was not ruled out in "phase one of break up".
By then you ex would have healed and learnt a lot too.
Some of you might not even want to get back anymore.)
___________________________________________________________
Let me tell you my story.
"I'm going to reveal the real reasons you can't get over the person who
broke you're heart (hint: it's not what you think).
When the first guy I ever loved left me for someone else it was an experience so
horrific I would even go so far as calling it traumatic.
At first I went numb and felt like I was living someone else's life...like this couldn't
possibly be happening. After that came rage, sadness, pain, despair, hopelessness,
and longing...lots of longing. Longing for him to come back and say he was sorry and
be with me again. I drove my friends crazy..
My grief consumed every fiber of my being. There would be moments of distraction
here and there, but it was always lurking in the shadows of my mind, seizing every
opportunity to be at the forefront. This went on for weeks...months...and then I
woke up one year later and while the pain was nowhere near as strong, it was still
there.
I deduced that it must be because he was the great love of my life, my soul mate, the
man I'm meant to be with.
I ended up getting back in touch with that ex as i was single and while it didn't happen overnight, I realized in time that he is (and always was), so wrong for me! How could I not have seen it? Why did I waste all that time and energy pining away?
The answers didn't come to me until much later, not until started writing about
relationships and serving as an unpaid therapist for most of my friends who just
can't seem to let go.
The mistake I made was one that most people make. I assumed that there was
something wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough, that he was the only man on
the planet for me. If I knew what was really going on, and the real reason I couldn't
just release him and move on, I probably would have gotten over it much sooner.
Finally after a few months, I met a wonderful guy whom i really deserve and vice-versa. "
Remember do not call your ex after getting Drunk .
Remember that, I was exactly where you are standing today and that is how i am able to write all this.
And trust me very soon you will stand exactly where i am today. With someone better.
Every relationship is different, so is every break up. But you will learn something valuable out of every break up.
I learnt the act of giving space, having a life apart from the relationship alone, being emotionally stable.
My broken relationships prepared me for the wonderful one that i now have.
Lastly, if this will make you smile.
My dear friend, I hope you learnt a thing or two from this blog and may positive force always be with you.
If you sue me, May thunder blast your head.
Thanks for Reading.
-Mia
